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Abusive Relationships: Letting Go Hurts but There’s No Healing in Holding On Either!

This morning, I was scrolling down my Facebook Timeline and I came across a bunch of sad posts where a lot of people were mourning the death of a young 20 year old girl in our community.

I didn’t know her personally but I’m almost certain that I’ve seen her around before. She was a student at The University of Tennessee at Martin and she was VERY involved in the college. She was a cheerleader and also a part of the dance team. Just a very beautiful bright young lady that seemed like she was on her way to do extraordinary things but unfortunately she lost her life due to domestic violence. She was stabbed to death by her ex-boyfriend from what I understand.

Although I didn’t know this girl personally, it instantly broke my heart because first of all.. the whole story is just undeniably sad but it also took me back on memory lane to one of my past relationships. I dated a guy for four years. In the beginning, everything was cool but as time went on things got progressively worse as far as violence went.

This post isn’t about me so I’m not gonna go into a lot of detail but I will tell you that those four years were scary, painful and rough. There were some good days but bad ones definitely outweighed those and I’m just so glad that I was able to get out of that relationship. I’m forever grateful unto God for bringing me out of it and for also giving me the courage to walk away from it with my head held high!

Sometimes I look back and think about how things would’ve been if I had stayed. In all honesty, there’s a 100% chance that I would’ve been dead and sleeping in my grave OR in jail serving time with him not because I did anything wrong but just being guilty by association can get you in a big heap of trouble!!

To leave an abusive relationship is much easier said than done but let me tell you something … it is so worth it to leave!! I promise you, leaving my past relationship was one of the BEST things I could’ve ever done!! And sometimes, to even take that step is scary because you’ve gotten comfortable to a certain extent with letting them disrespect you like that.

You have suffered long enough. You’ve sacrificed your heart entirely too long for someone who could care less. I know letting go hurts but baby let me tell you something.. there’s no healing in holding on! Make it your responsibility to detach yourself from any relationship that’s keeping you from loving and freely being yourself. You may not able to see it now but there’s a lot of “good” in that goodbye. Trust me when I say it!

Domestic Violence is not okay. Don’t excuse it and don’t keep ignoring the red flags and toxic signs you see within people. Pay attention to those things and act accordingly! At the end of the day, you deserve responsible genuine love. You are so worthy and deserving of that!

Prayers for the family of this sweet girl and prayers for any and everybody that’s struggling to get out of an abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence Hotline open 24/7 – (800) 799-7233

24 thoughts on “Abusive Relationships: Letting Go Hurts but There’s No Healing in Holding On Either!

  1. This is so spot on, as someone who has been in a relationship with emotional abuse, I know how incredibly difficult it was to leave that toxic relationship, because I did become comfortable and thought I deserved that abuse. I left before it ever got physical, thank God. But thanks so much for sharing your story, it is so hard to leave, but so incredibly beautiful! “There is no healing in holding on” Amen to that!!

    1. I’m so glad that we can relate on that level because when it’s something you’ve been through … you understand it on a much deeper level! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! & I am so glad that you got away from that abuse! It doesn’t have to be physical for it to be bad. Mental is just as bad and sometimes worse!

  2. This is everything powerful, empowering, grief stricken and tragic! All to often victims are the ex of an abusive relationship! My heart hurts for everyone involved. The family members of the lost, the friends and coworkers… And yes even those who knew the suspect. Such hate isn’t human… Such hate stems from such a broken place… And when we as a society begin to cure the cause, rather than treat the symptoms, we’ll be a much greater community.

    1. Powerful comment !!
      It is a very sad situation and it’s heart breaking!! It seems to me that she got out of the relationship but he tried to force his way back in. Stuff like this is always so scary too when it happens so close to home!

  3. I too lived through abuse in my life – first in my childhood home from both mother and father, so I had no sense of anything to help myself. I didn’t tell anyone the things that were done to me because I was told through my childhood that it was my fault. And you know, most people who live through domestic or childhood abuse, or any other kind of abuse are often told that it is their fault.

    From that abusive childhood, I moved into a marriage with someone I did not love at all just to get away from home. He had a different religious culture than me, and he was extremely abusive. I lived with that until there was virtually nothing left of me, and then I ultimately moved in with another man after my children were “legally” kidnapped. The other man was an alcoholic, and somewhat abusive too, but by then, I was literally numb. I did not see any of my children again for some 28 years, even though by then I had moved to another state, got a decent job, and was trying hard to do my best. Then I met only my daughter, who had so many of my talents and ways. I had partial amnesia for many years. So through much of my life, I have suffered from amnesia, PTSD, and very low self esteem. It is only in these latter part of my life that I have begun to regain my strength, the feminine of my soul, and to have achieved a lot of things in my 77 years of living. As a seasoned senior, I have a significant other who is calm, protective and kind to me and very appreciative. Finally I have peace in my life, and have been able to be creative in writing and in my art, but it has taken a lifetime to achieve it. Thank you for this great article. It is definitely something that needs to be brought to the foreground. So many women have grown up being abused sexually and otherwise, and keep getting into really bad relationships. We need to support each other in positive living and to find ourselves and our sacred feminine once again.

    1. Wow!!
      Now that’s heart breaking but still you have such a strong and powerful testimony from it all. I’m so thankful that you’ve found peace and have started to find “you” again! So much love and respect for you ❤️

  4. I spent years in an abusivr relationship. I used my blindness as an excuse for my “accidents,” and every time the doctors asked, I was to afraid to tell. It took a suicide attempt for me to free myself. It was the best decision I ever made. There is a good in goodbye, and thank you so much for this post! Prayers sent for the family who lost their beautiful girl.

    1. Wow! Sounds to me like you have a STRONG testimony !! I’m glad you’re still here ♥️ there is so much about you that’s so inspiring. I’m glad you found the “good” in goodbye! I most certainly did and I’m sooo so happy! Thanks for the prayers, love and positive vibes!! 😘

  5. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that I’m sure would have turned violent. I even work in the victim services field, know the signs, and help others. It is easy to be broken down slowly.

    1. Emotional abuse is seriously just as bad!! I’m so glad that you got out of it and you’re letting that pain empower you to be a help to others 💕

  6. Jessica you have such a kind and loving heart! I think you are a beautiful person inside and outside that always shares so much positivity and love in all you share. I am a very emotional person and reading about people who have passed away always breaks my heart. I can never make sense of it when a young person passes away because they still have so much life to live. I honestly do not think I will ever understand such things.

    1. Thanks sweet girl !! From one kind heart to another .. ❤️ You are just as positive and radiate so much love !! Thank you for always giving such valuable and encouraging feedback !! The situation with this young girl here in my community is so sad. Real love isn’t supposed to physically hurt. My heart breaks for victims of domestic violence and abusive relationships.

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